Sunday, January 24, 2010

give me the courage


God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I cannot accept and the wisdom to know the difference . I have made a big decision in my life .  It is time for me to let go of  someone I love very much as this love is self destructive and  my  loved one is determined to stay on a  self destructive  path  no matter what I have done  and want to do to "help"  . I am sure we have all had someone in our life that is self destructive and we end up finding ourselves in constant rescue mode.  When we engage in this type of relationship it ends up eroding our own self esteem , strength , energy , passion ,hope and joy.  Often we  find that  the person we think we are helping is no better off and in turn has learned to resent  us and blame us for where they are in life . It is at this point we must go down with them or cut them loose and save ourselves. I have made the choice to save myself . It is so hard as I have to trust my head and not my heart as my heart still feels so much love and is  in so much pain.  This choice is also  very hard as it   Includes breaking vows that I take as very sacred and serious .So  I know  I must ask for the courage to stay with my choice to cut free and do so with the conviction   that  life is about  living to our full sacred  potential . To me living in a self destructive environment and with self destructive people   is  not honoring that full potential and therefore it is  not honoring sacred gifts which are my  potential . I am sharing this on my  blog as feel I have not been as constant here   as most of you have been in turn to me. Your visits mean so much to me as I know my visits  and others  visits , mean to you . It is this moody emotional  roller coaster   ride that   I  hope will change along with the changes I am making in my life. I known this will take some time but I have to hope there  will be peace, joy and passion  one day again in my life. This is my prayer.  God grant me the serenity....

56 comments:

Jamie said...

"I have to hope there will be peace, joy and passion one day again in my life." Yes. You are making those things happen for yourself Sweetie. Love, Jamie

lotsofglue said...

I hope you happiness and peace after your heartache has healed.
hugs and support to you!!!

-talena

stregata said...

Wishing you much strength.

Are you curious about me? said...

Hello Julie

The decisions you have had to make are for yourself preservation. (My mum was never brave enough and endured over fifty years of misery with just a few brief moments of happiness, her problem was..... she didn't think that she could swim.

I understand from your words that you HAVE HAD to make these very difficult decisions, that it became a case of either sink or quickly learn to swim, YOU ARE A STRONG SWIMMER Julie, you have been through very difficult times before.

You can do this..... and if you need a pair of water wings I will gladly send you some.

Here is a poem by a strong woman, It was written in a card when I needed courage, put a copy on your fridge, it helps. x

Courage by Amelia Earhart

Courage is the price which life exacts for granting peace.
The soul that knows it not, knows no release
From little things;

Knows not the livid loneliness of fear
Nor mountain heights, where bitter joy you can hear
The sound of wings.

How can life grant us boon of living, compensate,
For dull gray ugliness and pregnant hate
Unless we dare

The soul's dominion? Each time we make a choice we pay
With courage to behold resistless day
And count it fair.


I will pop back in a day or so to see how you are, I wish that I lived nearer to you, I would pop round with homemade cake and a hug....

Julie

Nicki said...

Oh that's hard.
Good luck.....it sounds like the right decision...well done for making that decision too....it's not always easy to do what we know is right for us.

Keep strong and have a moan to all of us who read your blog if you need too!

Nicki x
(my word verification is 'warman'.....weird).

Gail Burton said...

Oh Julie...my heart goes out to you but I do understand. Just know that your friends are here to hold you up should you need the support.

Hugs
Gail x

Diane said...

Julie, It may be painful, but you have to believe and trust in yourself, and know that it's right. I hope for better days for you.

Micki said...

If you know in your heart that this is the right thing for you to do, then it is!! and you will get through it, time heals a lot of wounds.
Wishing you peace of mind and the strength to move on.
Micki x

Molly Alexander said...

Hi Julie - I am so sorry for the pain you've had, and I know how hard it is to make this decision. It doesn't mean that you stop loving someone; just that you stop allowing them to continue to hurt you and make you miserable. I had to do this once and it was the hardest but most freeing thing I've done. Reading the comments here, you have many friends who support you, including me. Your decision makes the world feel hopeful again, doesn't it? I will pray for you about this, and please let me know if there is anything else I can do.

:-) Molly

Angela Recada said...

I wish you the strength to do whatever you need to do, and the peace of mind that comes from knowing you did the right thing.

All my best to you, always.

Hugs and love,
xo
Angela

Robin Thomas said...

Julie, you know it is healthy to avoid chaos. Soon you will know peace. Big hug.

Terri Kahrs said...

Julie, although the decision was difficult and required much strength, you've take the first step towards peace, joy and freedom. Much love and many blessings. May angels surround you with courage. Hugs, Terri xoxo

OliveraPlants said...

All our positive energy and support is headed your way. Just remember...Life is so terribly short and we get what we settle for. See you on Saturday....Twyla

Julie Whitmore Pottery said...

It takes more strength to go forward to a better place, than to stay in a destructive one. Just by taking that first step away, you have arrived someplace safer.
The best for you
xx
julie

Jackie said...

I pray for strength and may have God's hands to hold you up in this time. Hugs, Jackie

Anonymous said...

Been there done that...hang on it truly will get better and you will wonder why you waited so long! It is not easy, but as you will find out YOUR WORTH IT!!

HUGS!!

susanc said...

My heart goes out to you Julie. Take care and now that one day things will be so much happier for you. I know this takes so much courage and I admire you for it. Sending virtual hugs...

Mica said...

I know how you feel! I too am struggling with (family members) who have caused much heartache with me and my little family to where it was hurting me deeply.The only way to protect myself from them was to cut them off. It has been a sad road but had to be done. There is no longer drama with them out of my life. It has been a year now since we have not spoken. Only to hear that, here and there, nasty comments are being made of me and my little family to other members of the family. It is vicious and untrue of course. But I will not let it get to me for I have faith in God alone. We don't need people in our lives that don't uplift us, even if they are ("family members"). I am not certain of your exact situation. but know Julie, you are not alone. This will hurt for sometime I am sure...but you must protect yourself and your family. Take care JULIE...Sounds like a smart, logical decision.Only God can grant you serenity! He will surely do that. I will be praying for you whatever your situation may be. Hugs, Mica

lori vliegen said...

keep listening to your head, and following your heart with what you know is the right decision for you....my arms are around you.

Beth Anderson said...

you are strong - keep repeating those words. My heart breaks for you that you need to make this decision, but put yourself first. Courage my friend. We are all here with you and offer our support.
hugs.....

Mary Wadsworth said...

Praying for strength,happiness and healing for you Julie.

Love,
Mary

Breathing Beside Us said...

Oh Sweet Julie,
My heart aches for you.
You are right to leave, it is a hard choice to make, and there will be a backlash...But.....
Always having someones back isn't always the best thing to do......Sometimes we love someone the most, by walking away, turning our back. By remaining in the relationship, you are enabling the behavior.
You are loving this person enough to let them be angry with you...in turn, he may find the strength to get help that is truely needed.
Moreover, you need to love YOU enough......
You are a strong human. You are a loving human. You are special.
Much love & blessing,
XOXO Deb

Anonymous said...

Hi Julie,
I am new to your blog and to read the outpourings of your heart touched me.
It is so hard to do what you know you need to do but love the person who has hurt you, and want them to be healed. You have let go..now let God. You are in His tender care , God has given you such a wonderful talent and spirit. God Bless You. You are in my prayers.
May God be your strength, your courage, your peace and your joy.
Hugs~ Diane

Nancy said...

Julie, I know God can heal your broken heart, give you strength, wisdom, direction, joy and peace. I am thankful you are a survivor and will not let this season of your life stop you from being the best you can be. I will keep you in my prayers. Lean on all of your blogger friends. We love you and are shoulders are strong!
XO Nancy

Katie Runnels said...

You are in my prayers!
Wishing you peace and love, dear Julie!
xoxo

Halo Hill said...

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear this. I have made such a decision (much earlier in my life), but it was very painful. Because of leaving though, and moving on, I am much happier than I dreamed I could be. I now have a wonderful husband who is my "knight in shining armor." You will be strong and independent and you'll know you've made the right decision! Hugs and Prayers!

Sheila

paperbird said...

Oh Julie I wish you the strength you will need for this trial in your life. I am so sorry for this sadness that is occurring and I wish you the best.
Sending prayers your way.

Anonymous said...

Julie, I have been there and done that. You are making the right decision. I can tell you have given it your all. Some people just cannot love or be loved and we have to move on. Like you, I did not want to hurt someone, but you cannot live your life hurting yourself either. As soon as the scary parts get by, you will be so serene and the stress will just melt away, bringing joy and happiness. We cannot "live" for someone else and they will not do it themselves until they have to. So you are doing them a favor, even though it does not seem like it. Like one of your comments said, we've all seen couples stay together and make each either totally miserable for years. What a waste of two lives. Bless you. Marcy
mantle@piedmontcenter.com
www.queenmarcyoriginals.typepad.com

Jan said...

Be strong within yourself, Julie. There is nothing so hurtful that you cannot overcome with time and you have a loving family and your friends to help you. Trust in yourself and let those who care for you get you through this short rough period of your life. There ARE better days to come.
Hugs,
Jan

becca jo said...

sending you love and healing thoughts!!!!

Are you curious about me? said...

Just popped by as I said I would, hope your doing OK........ Holding your hand from the UK..Julie

DeniseS said...

Julie I was so hoping things had changed for the better. You are strong and you will come through this just fine sweetie

Anonymous said...

As a sheer coincidence I visited your blog today only to find that someone else is going through the exact same thing as I at this very moment in time. The description of your experience were in words that could have come directly from my own life. I'm looking forward to 2010 and becoming whole again.

Anonymous said...

Hi Julie,
Just stoping by again to check on you.
Oh gosh it is so hard sometimes to know what to say. But prayer is something we can ALWAYS do.
As you said "vows are sacred" ..and I agree.. this has to be pretty serious to consider breaking them..BUT.. there are reasons that certainly qualify for doing just that.
Peace Julie, and please keep up your beautiful art!It is a special gift.
God Bless You!
Diane

Renee Troy said...

I'm going through it too, Julie, and it's hard as hell. Just put one foot in front of the other, one day at a time, keep moving forward and you will reach the light. You are worth it!
I will send strength in energy your way. God bless you...
xxoo

Karen Valentine said...

Oh Julie, my heart goes out to you as well. Decisions like that are always difficult, and there may be times when you second guess yourself, but anyone who has been there(myself included) knows in their heart when it's time to break free in order to keep from drowning. I know it's really hard right now but it will get better. Know that you have lot's of friends who are always here to listen when you feel like sharing your thoughts.
Big hugs to you my friend...

Karen

PJ said...

Oh Julie you definately have the courage. I have left a relationship too....and though I faltered in the leaving of it, many times going back until I finally left, the heart learning I received...priceless. I really struggled with the fact that i had made a vow too...because i took that very seriously as well. Later I realized that, at least for me, what I really had made a vow too went much deeper than words...I had made a vow to love. And my understanding of this vow continues to grow to this day....what greater gift is there to vow too than love. I have confused so many behaviors, actions, and commitments with what the action of love really is. And to understand and grow in love sometimes means walking a different path. It is a hard but happy way of life.
Much love to you Julie,
Patti

candice Elton said...

julie,

Just checking on you sweet girl. I am so sorry for all of your pain, and heartache. I wish I could give you a hug and just sit and visit with you for a while. I know God will guide you and help you through this difficult time. Have Faith and know that you can fly......
love and hugs,
Candice

WingingIt said...

sounds like you and your sissy are having good creative time....wish i was there to share during this time of confusion for me....the death of two moms and worrying about my aging dad have left me whirling...and uncreative...blah....much love to you darling...may peace be with you
lorri-marie

Silke said...

Oh, honey, how did I miss this?!? I am so sorry that you are going through this. No matter if it's the right decision for you, I know there will be heartache and heartbreak. It will heal, but right now it's got to be so hard!! I will hold you in my heart through this! Sending you much love and peace! And a big hug, Silke

Whimsey Creations said...

Julie, I have just found your blog tonight but I will keep you in my prayers - may you have all of the the serenity and grace that you need. Hugs!

whymsicalmusings said...

You Will find all that you are looking for. Remember you cannot change or help some one else they have to choose that for themselves. I will be sending you warm and positive thoughts for your on going journey to Happiness and Peace.There is always Joy to be found at the end of the Journey remember that when the pain becomes hard to bear.
XXXOOO
Becky

Julie Fillo said...

Julie, Thinking of you and wishing for happiness. I am watching daughter and son in law go through this and it is just heartbreaking, because I love them both. But I am powerless to help. It sounds like you have done your best, and you will survive. Be strong, my friend.

Julie

Silke said...

Just sending a little love note to let you know I'm thinking about you!! Love, Silke

Paula McNamee said...

Julie, my thoughts and prayers are with you as you take some courageous steps.

Jone said...

I know that things happen for reasons that we do not always understand.
My heart is weeping for you (and yours) but you WILL find the strength inside to move forward.
You have made such an amazing life from the things you love and no one has the right to bring any darkness to that. Somewhere in you there is the survivor that has gotten you through much worse than this, dear Julie, and it is time to acknowledge that.

I will send strength and light your way everyday..
Maybe it is time for a road trip?
Think about it.....

xoxo

mosaicqueen said...

Oh Julie, my heart is so sad for you right now. This is a tough road you are on, but you are one tough and AWESOME puppy and I know that you will come through this a better and stronger person....if that's possible :-) Knowing you personally, I know that your HEART IS BIG...really BIG. Bigger hearts break bigger,but also Love bigger. Please know that if you need to talk, I'm happy to take the time for you.

Sending you my Love...
Michelle

Such a Wondrous Place this Faery Space said...

I am here. Blessings.

Lisa Holtzman said...

Julie, you are doing the hardest thing I think a person can do. I had to make a choice like this many years ago and the pain is incredible. You value yourself and your life as you should and need to save yourself. Especially, as you know, we can't save other people from their path no matter how much we love them. I feel your pain and wish you strength and peace through this hard time. xxoo Lisa

Theresa said...

Julie we can only control ourselves and no one else.... so in turn we must do the best for ourselves. Take heart that you are doing the right thing... sometimes love isn't enough and the other person needs to find their own path.

Hugs,

Theresa

Barbara/myth maker said...

I wish you much strength at this time. May your path lead you to balance, and peace, and empowerment.

Creative Potential said...

As a fellow human being you deserve to be happy, joyous and free. I wish you peace and clarity on your journey.

melissa hedine-tootle said...

I know you will now find peace within yourself. I too can relate to what you wrote and thank you for being so open and for sharing your pain. What you wrote is exactly what I had to do to my little brother who I LOVE dearly
here's a little saying some told me "You did not cause it and You can't control it" I say that to myself many times a day.

The Rustic Victorian said...

YOu can do it! I promise, you CAN do it! The Freedom will be amazing, more than the hurt...time and prayer, it will get better. You can do it!
Marcie

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