Monday, December 28, 2009

Question of the day?

An old saying /question came to mind this morning.  "You can either be happy or right"  I am one of those people that is passionate and thinks totally with the creative side of her brain ,so much so that I can never remember what side that is ?!? . I  grew up in a very small town in the Midwest in a time and place where no one knew about the different ways creative people live  and learn in this  world. It was just the  3 R's  go to church and  always  wear clean underwear  and you did it that way or you were considered  a slow learner. To make up for this "slow learning"  I   needed to try extra hard to be" common sense smart" so that I could earn peoples respect even if I was not book smart. All my life I have tried to "do it right " and it has turned me into a controlling, self righteous B*&%H at times.  It has not made me happy when I try so hard thinking "what will others think?"   and it has made lots of people unhappy when I am in my self righteous frame of mind and my  voice  that goes with it !!. The gift I am giving my self this year is the gift of just doing it  with my heart be a "happy fool" and with  passion. Doing it " right" has not seemed to make that much difference in saving me  from life's painful lessons  and maybe just the opposite, as life keeps telling  me  " let go of the CONTROL you self righteous B*&^#H" .So why not just try  being  happy rather then right? This may be a bit tougher then I think but I am going to give it a try . I would love to hear any of your thoughts as to this question as it is an interesting one that I think many creative souls  struggle with.


Judy said...

Yay for Happiness!
"Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude."
Cheers for a happy 2010!

Lisa Holtzman said...

What, I'm NOT always right???I have lived the majority of my life with that attitude and being controlling too. I am learning a huge lesson of acceptance and not having to be right through my mother who has dementia now. When I "know" I'm right, she just looks at me as if I'm nuts until I let go and stop trying to control her. It's a good lesson and it is freeing. Hard habit to break though!

Lisa Holtzman said...

Yes, heart happy and passionate, that's your true nature after all. I love "her soul was alive", it's fantastic!!!

Silke said...

Oh, what a great thing to start! I got started on that path a few years ago and you'll find it gets easier and easier to choose the happy path rather than having to be right! It'll free up so much energy AND have you so relaxed with other people.

I noticed it this year with my dad visiting. When I was still in that controlling mode years ago and needed to be understood perfectly, oh how stressful our gatherings were. This year, we spent two and a half weeks together with not a moment of strain. It seemed like a miracle, but I'm sure that it's because I am hell bent on being happy. You'll see that it will color everything happier in your life and you won't care as much about the other stuff, which will keep happening regardless...

Way to go, Julie!! I'm totally with you!! Love, Silke

Silke said...

Hi! Thanks for your comment on my blog!! By the way, as soon as I stopped trying to make people understand me, it seemed they suddenly did. My dad and I are totally on the same page now. It's odd, but it seems to work (and aside from that it makes life so much more relaxed...).

Ok, about the scarves, were you talking about the individual flowers that you use in your art?

Terri Kahrs said...

Uh-OH, Julie! You just hit a nerve here! I've been called "Bossy" most of my life and am definitely a type A persona. I wonder if it IS a "creative" trait?!? Best wishes for a very "Happy" and a very Healthy 2010! Hugs, Terri

Diane said...

Julie, YES, I have the same problem (especially, what will others think), but I'm just the opposite--I withdraw and keep in what I'm really feeling, so I have to change in a different way, if you know what I mean. Also, I loved your comment on my blog about your new little dog--Bob has the same problem :) He's actually my daughter's dog. Did you see my post devoted just to him? It's a couple of posts down--it's called My Helper. We love Bob!!

jone hallmark said...

I think that "right" is relative.
You may be "right" in one situation and not in another. It is your perspective as to what you think is right.
I have let go of a LOT of "being right" in the last 30 years...esp the last 20 (with my hubby who thinks that HE is always right!)
Actually, I have learned to choose my battles, which has been a very important lesson. You can not have it all the way you think it should be if you plan to share your life with someone else. BUT, that said, there ARE very important things that you NEED to be the way you think they should be.
It is important to give the other person a voice - no matter who it is, so that they, too, can have those special things that they need to be "their" way.
We have struggled for years about certain things and I guess that some of that does NOT go away, but you can reach an agreement if you open it up to discussion and allow equal time to each persons' thoughts and needs.

I liked what Silke had to say and I, too, found that when I am with my mom, I must allow myself to be with her and for her 100%! It is easier for me to go to her house and do the things that she needs done rather than have her here in MY life with all its distractions.

It is a matter of changing perspective - how you look at things and how you actually SEE them.

I have written too much.
Please drop me an email and we can talk more. I hope to hear your real voice one of these days so that we can truly "catch up" on the insanity and challenges that life continues to throw our way.


PJ said...

Hi Julie, I am so inspired by reading all of the posts to! In my experience, in terms of 'control', it seems to me that control is an illusion. The only thing I really seem to have any control over is my responses to situations! Nothing else. And with happiness, it seems to me that I cannot become happy, I can only Be Happy.

Beth Anderson said...

what a similar upbringing. So many times I will myself to try not to do what is expected to be right or not to stop and think what people will think and I get stuck in that gear and can't drive out of it. You're an inspiration and maybe you'll lead me down that path with you. Give us strength!

sandra lee said...

You so make me laugh and smile at the comments on my blog! Anytime you want to come and lay on my grass and have a tea party with the ladybugs, YOU ARE IN!!! I love my garden with all my heart and spend many moments in it contemplating the same things you write about, being happy or being right!!! Yes I too am one of those souls who goes with whats right and I am starting to think that I am becoming stuck in a fantasy world because so much of my trust in people is shattered by things they do that i think are "wrong". Hmmmm I just strive to be a happy gal and love my life and what is in it! I truly surround myself in nature and see all the little things God has made for us to enjoy...doesn't mean I don't have bad days tho' Hugs to you sweet gal! I think you are a happy, loving, caring, creative, nourishing soul!

sharon said...

Hi Julie! First of all, thank you for being such a good friend this year!
I try to b happy, but I think it is very hard, and I end up letting others be happy before me because it causes less stress. I think my happiness comes with stress, but I think that is due to a family illness we deal with. I now believe that I do MY BEST at doing what I love to do, and as long as I continue to try, I am o.k.! But sometimes it feels like a scary place.

Alyice Edrich said...

I can relate to what you're saying, having been on both spectrums. For the longest time, I allowed people to walk over me, too afraid to say something that may "end the friendship" and then there are those, whom I was closest to, who hated the fact that I could be a controlling B*tch. I used to think if I did it right, if I tried my best, then nothing bad could happen. But it still did, and still does. Life throws lemons all the time, it's up to us to turn them into lemonaide without allowing ourselves to become a wreck in the process. easier said than done, I know. Two years ago I ended up with bells palsy from all the stress, I am sure, that I put myself under--all self imposed mind you because of my need to control my environment. Now, I just let things happen and nobody has suffered any less. Though I am learning to find myself again in the process. I wish you much luck in the new year, I know you can be the person you dream of being. :)

lotsofglue said...

I let things go ALLOT in my family, I think it is a way of picking my battles or we would be fighting all the time.
Now we have a policy in place that I must be myself in order to be happy.
Sometimes in order to be happy I must be controlling and B&%^hy, and other times I just let everything go:)

Alyce said...

Yes!!!! Let happiness rule in all our lives!!

Anonymous said...

Being 'right'is too stressful! Being' happy' is easier to attain.
I grew up in the same era...follow the rules, try to be perfect, and happiness is yours ONLY after everyone else is satisfied.
What changed for me? A totally understanding husband who "gets me" and supports my need to create. And my ability to see that my happiness should never come last. I'm old enough now to realize I am important, my opinions (yep, been called a b^&%h) are mine and I like them, and art keeps me centered. Took me awhile, but I like who I am. I'm comfortable and content. We only do this once! Make yourself HAPPY!
Thanks for posting this...always a good 'soapbox' topic.
Oh, and Lisa H....I understand your situation with your mother. I've gotten that all my life and came to the same conclusion 3 yrs ago. I let it go. Now we're both better!

Micah Holden said...

Knowing when to bite your tongue equals happy! ha... Oooh, I'm gonna try this too... : )

Anonymous said...