Tuesday, March 4, 2014

running away or running to

    All my life I have dreamed of running away. So many  things I want to leave behind, mainly my personality as it has hurt so many people. I dream of finding  a place where I can live by myself and that who I am will not hurt others.  But  I want to still  be able to help make the world  a better place .  Oh well ,the creator so far has said no. No you can not run from your self . In stead keep trying to learn to improve  who you are.  But if stuborness  is one of your  personality  flaws  along  with  a big mouth then I am sorry dear creator I seemd doomed!?
    Life is like school that is why  we are here. Fail a lesson and  move 2 classes back, For almost 56 years I have been in that  school . I fail a lot and learn little. We are all in that school . The creator knows we need breaks and so gives us some joy breaks from time to time.   I was given  the best one with Mark  for  12 very special years. I did not deserve a whole 12 years  of  that kind of joy but was given it !!!! I chersh those years dearly and thank the creator  for them!  I have also been given the gift of  being able to create, living in the USA Some of the best pets and a few VERY amazing  loving  people who  have come into my life. They have and do  love me in spite of my huge flaws. Bless you dear ones. I am sorry my fears keep me at a distance all to often .
   But School has  been  back in session  since Mark has died . 10 long years . It has been more advanced schooling, as I am older .The past several years I have been  given hard test, This year the lessons and test   were beyond my ablity  to even understand and  I have sadly failed and fallen in the worst  way, much has been lost of me and  very   I have been badly  damaged. Much regression and sadly  the gifts Mark gave me  of self confidence have been  lost and replaced with deep insecurity, doubts and fears.  I have fallen  backwards  and landed very hard. The pain has been horrilbe . I count very few days that   I can  make it through  without tears.  But I am gratful for the  state of AZ  offering me  free  medical care  and a very good team of professionls guiding and watching me make baby steps as I try to move forward  and  try to believe that  someday I might be able   to face the world again with out freezing  in fear and lack of trust.   As Betty Davis said "old age is not for sissies".
   But as I said the creator  does  give Joy and hope . This year even in my  pain,  I have been given things to feel joyful for  and so this turns me back to  those loving friends. One of those is  Lynda !!! Words cannot describe her heart . She  is moving to Ecuador. As we talked of the move  I told her how all I dreamed of was a tiny travel trailer to live in ,but had no money.  She says ..."Oh I have one you can have, it has a kitty in it too.
I  said YES and took them both with tears of joy.
The Kitty " Grayson" had been dumped by a family after the 90 year old  owner    grandmother / mother died . Lynda saved it from being put down . Lynda has spent her life saving and working  with animals .I love her for this deeply .Now Grayson too is safe just like little Dixie  whom I rescued 3 days ago.
The trailer !!!!!  It is  a 13 foot Aristocrat that needs work. We first dug it out of the  dirt that  it had sunk into for 10 years . That  took 3 hours . Then added new  tires and hauled it home. Next comes  all new sealing . removing 600 outside screws from the  trim and  adding new sealing  tape then putting the  trim back  on and the new screws back . Then comes  new inside and outside paint and  a DEEP  cleaning . New window screens, new door locks,  new cushions , curtains , a porta potty room,a  fresh water tank and fauct  and I am set to go.  Extras may be  added such as  heat and ac with a  solar  panel  for hot water. if  money  is provided or course . The best part ...... drum roll please ........It has aqua appliances...    :)  I hope  my  pets and I will be happy  and can heal in it as we travel around  the  country  doing  vendor shows and teaching art as this is a love of mine and a way of giving back . I get so much from  watching those  in class "play"  learn and give them self a  day or more off to just create  . Thanks to all who come to my  classes . Please take a look at  this  years line up on the  left side panel . As art saves lives .This I believe with all my heart . When ever in my life I have lost all I seem to  have or know  art is  always   there ready to embrace me in its forgetful  mindlessness. doing the  bliss  of creating. I thank you lord so much that you gave me this gift  and that you gave me  the love  to share it with others SOOOO..... .  The next event  I am doing is GLITTERFEST  in Anaheim CA  and event for the  romantic girl  in you !!!

                                            Grayson giving  me winky eyes of love.

Sunday, March 2, 2014

Dixie is now safe

Yesterday I  balanced   some of the cruelty  in the world . My heart is so filled with joy!!!!! Cal said OK and I was able to rescue this sweet little abused baby .She is 1 1/2 years old  and her name is Dixie. Yes, I am very tight on money right now ,  No I do not know what my future  holds? No, it is never the "right time " etc , etc., but sometimes  we just have to do the right thing. I needed  to help a  hurting creature  as it will help me with my pain and hurt . As I watch her hopefully heal  and grow happy  it will help me do so too. She is  SOOOO  scared  but so badly wants love.  She will get it  my arms and my home  !!!   Dec I adopted a Kitty . You all may  know if you read my  blog or know me personally that  I lost My beloved Peanut this year ,Q tip my kitty and Teddy my other kitty . New pets do not stop the grief . But loss makes room for  new love and Love heals . 
I want to   share  this with everyone as I feel we all need to  do something everyday to balance the evil in the world .
 If you are an animal  lover then sign a petition  to stop  some  cruelty from  happening. It may be in  another country  or right here in our country. Pinterest has pages you can visit  if you need to get informed and know how and where to sign  petitions. (CAUTION)  you need to  know that  looking will be VERY hard .  But remember there  are those out there  fighting  every  day doing this hard work of documenting  the abuse hoping in doing so  we will have the courage to look, take notice  and do are part to help stop the ignorance and evil form happening !!!! As a large  group  of informed  we can make  it happen.IF WE ALSO ACT even in a small way . 
 Here in our own country  is Craigs list. STOP Craigs list  from allowing listings that give animals away for free .These animals   often end up in the hands of VERY  evil people!!!!!!!! Trust me!!! I will not go into the horrible details  but I have  forced myself to research the situation so I know. Just  write them and tell them  they MUST protect the animals  and not allow listings for free animals . They  must make a rule and ENFORCE it that listers  charge  an adoption fee . If you cannot afford say  $65  dollars  to adopt  a pet then I would say  you cannot  afford  a pet. If you want to have   that animal   in order to do harmful things to it and kill it  you will not fork over $65  to do so ,I would hope.
 I know hearing of pain is hard but turning  a blind  eye does nothing to help and makes us all guilty  . We must all  try to do our part.  Also ask your government to make stricter  punishment  and laws  against  animal cruelty. Write your congress man or woman, both federal and state to write the bills for these tougher  laws . 
NOW  PLEASE DO NOT BUY PURE BREED PETS FROM BREEDERS ( my Scooter is a puppy mill rescue dog that was shut down because of horrible cruelty )  you can adopt about  any  pure breed  animal you want. One of  my favorite rescue groups   S.A F.E in southern  AZ has a pure breed Japanese  Chin right now !!! Just google  the breed   you want and find a rescue  group. Even your local shelters  get them everyday !!!!! Sweet little  Westies , Yorkies , shitzus  Bichons ,many Chihuahuas   ( second most  euthanized dog next to the Pit Bull) etc... and super bigger dogs, Retrievers , Shepard's ,Sweet Pit Bulls-yes sweet Pit Bulls . Mean  dogs are raised to be mean by evil owners who instill  FEAR and use abuse to train . 
Evil  and angry people are everywhere.  Taking their anger out on living things.  They hunt and prey  on the weak ones or the ones weak at the time.  We must  fight back  to balance and try our best to fight daily to stop  the harm they cause. Every day give back love in some way even to the evil  doer. Pray  that love  comes into  their  hearts and heals them too.   XO JUlie