Tuesday, August 4, 2009

fly away

One of the reasons I love blogging is because it seems that everyone tends to focus on the positive and the little moments of life with post and images. It helps keep life in focus for me . So it is hard for me to blog when I am passing through a rough patch . But I know that blogging has helped me when I see others share their rough patches and then I know "Hey " I am not alone and in turn neither are they . Knowing that the downs in life are normal helps when you look outside your self and see into others worlds. My life the past 6-8 weeks has been just like I am spinning in water going down a drain. My husband Cal hit a very rough time in his life . He was a building contractor .I say "was" as he lost the business in the past weeks. The housing market is so bad that he just could not hold it together, after 35 years in the business. The last client did not pay the final bill on the home he built for them and so that was the final event that sent him and the business over the edge . He spiraled into depression so deep he became unable to do the smallest of functions . While trying to help him I took over the managing and closing down of what was left of his company . I must say I was a fish out of water. I knew very little about this type of business !!! But I learned and I managed to get the job done. Mean while our house sold (yes we passed the inspections!!) and we close at the end of the month to wonderful buyers who will love the home as I have. So I am packing and trying to get us moved to AZ. In doing so I have made many trips between NM an AZ in the middle of all of this .We are down sizing from a 3400 sq. foot house to our condo of 1150 sq. feet. The high stress for me has been my worry for Cal and how will I do everything while still trying to keep my art business alive as I will be the soul supporter while Cal finds his way back to "center" . As you can see by my etsy shop and class cancellations, the thing that fell to the wayside was my art and blogging the two areas where I draw so much strength. A week and a half ago I checked Cal into an out patient clinic for the treatment of severe depression. He will be their for 35 days . He had almost reached the cationic space of no return . I am happy to say when I saw him sunday he is talking coherently again . I feel hope, but it will be a long recovery. Men are physically stronger then women but inside they lack so many of the strengths and emotional insights that we women draw upon .I am not saying women do not get depressed, we do and how!!! It is just that we are lucky to be women and more in touch with our emotional needs . So being a woman I felt that I needed to express this in my blog/ journal . Putting my tough journey of the past months out in the open and therefore one more step towards letting it go. I bet I am not alone in this as I know many of you have hit hard times also with the bad economy . I hope my sharing the losses Cal and I have had will help, those of you who may be going through a similar experience not feel so alone . Sometimes in life we can loose a "safe " lifestyle, but as long as we have not lost our life ,we have not lost the true treasure !! This week I am squeezing in some creative time.... Yippee . I just said I need this!! Oh plus I am a vender for Art Unraveled on Sat. I do have to say I will have MUCH less to offer then I had hoped . Due to our problems , but I am going anyway as I need to interact with the creative energy of those who will be there too. The piece I have posted this evening is based on how I have felt these past weeks. I just wanted to fly or run away from it all .This piece is also part if a group I am doing for Somerset Studio called "One Palette". Well, alas I think the worst is over and the tide has turned.


jamjar said...

So sorry to hear that you and your husband are going through such difficult times. I am sure you will both pull through this given time, you are his rock now but as you recognise, you must find bits of time for your creative self, that is your rock. Your work continues to thrill me and I am so proud to have your piece 'waiting for her wings' in my home. take care both of you.

Micki Wilde said...

Julie, i'm so sorry you are going through this right now, you are for certain an amazingly strong person to be there for Cal at this time, there are plenty who would fall at this hurdle alone.
Keep art in your heart and you will pull through i'm sure.
You are extremely talented as an artist(infact one of my alltime favourites) I know being creative in these times can be difficult, but know that there are people out here willing to help you and talk you through the worst of it.
Huge hugs for you both

Micki x

Jamie said...

Oh Julie! What a scary, hard time for you and Cal. The hardest thing I ever had to do was check my husband into an in-patient facility for depression. That was 5 years ago and it turned out to be one of the best decisions I have ever made. He has blossomed. Men sometimes do need insight to their emotional needs. It is wonderful that there are places like that to help us in times of great stress and confusion. Cal will find his center Sweetie.

I am very glad to hear you are still attending Art Unraveled. You need it and it needs you:) Your piece is lovely. You may have wanted to fly away, but you flew into it and embraced it and dealt with it like the brave, strong woman you are. I am so very proud of you Sweet Julie. Love, Jamie

WingingIt said...

hello love...tough times indeed....my heart is with you...i am grateful that you have your art and your strength....you are one of the most talented and powerful women i know...enjoy your smaller living space..that is truly a gift...i will hold cal in my heart!

Silke Powers said...

Oh, Julie, I am so sorry to hear you are having a tough time! It's so hard seeing your spouse suffer and withdraw! I am so glad you were able to find help for Cal to help him figure out what's going on with his emotions and his life. It's so hard, especially for men, to lose what you thought defined you and to start over.

You are such a strong woman and I am so glad you are sharing that strength with all of us! It's good that you are making time for your art - so healing! Sending you lots of love and strength and a big hug through cyber space! Silke

P.S. We'll be in NM early September - will you already be in AZ by then?

Stacey said...

I feel for you & your husband! You sound like a very strong woman & I admire your qualities both in art & life & always enjoy reading your blog. I also read OUR DAILY BREAD and found this story that may help you. It's called WHEN THE GROUND SHAKES by Anne Cetas. "Several days after a devastating earthquake in the SFCA area, a young boy was seen rocking & swaying on the playground. His principal asked him if he was ok and the boy nodded and said he was moving like the earth, so if there were another earthquake he wouldn't feel it. He wanted to prepare himself for another shaking of the ground.

Sometimes after a trauma, we brace ourselves for what might be coming next." To paraphrase the rest she goes on and talks about the psalmist David after King Saul tried to kill him (1 Sam19:10) "David cried to the Lord in his distress and found that He was a stabilizer, One he could trust would always be with him. He said, "the Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer: my God, my strength, in whom I will trust;...my stronghold" The Lord will be that for us also when the ground shakes under us"
I have leaned on Him for many of life's heartaches and struggles and He always sees me through. I pray blessings to you & yours and hope you didn't mind the long comment!!
xxoo Stacey

Kristin said...

Julie, I'm so sad to hear about all the challenges in your life right now. I know that you and Cal will pull through and come out the other side even stronger. Keep on making art and smiling in the midst of the chaos. It only gets better from here! Big hugs!

Beth Anderson said...

Oh Julie your strength is admired by all. You are a strong, beautiful, talented woman who is a mentor to us all and we are all here for you. Cal will find his center again and all will be back to normal sooner than you can imagine.
Keep your creative side alive which will give you the strength you need to continue, and reach out when you need to.
Holding you both in my heart and prayers.
Hugs and love to you both.

Judy said...

Julie, I am glad you got to post again, sharing your thoughts and feelings is very cathartic. It sounds like you are on the right track and doing the best you can in this difficult situation. My best to Cal and you and that you find the comfort and peace you need in your life in AZ.

Georgina said...


You're so strong! You're family is very lucky to have such a wonderful individual among them. Know you have my prayers and are in my thoughts. I pray Cal will be able to move on and live happily with such an incredible wife. God bless.

terry sweet said...

thank god for your art. thanks for sharing with us all and all will have happened for a reason; we all seem to become stronger. i love your work and the piece i have in my home gives me inspiration and joy. maybe someday you'll come to the midwest to teach. take good care and hug the dog even more- they are some of the best companions.

Unknown said...

Welcome back and all our best and positive energy for you and Cal. We welcome the both of you with open arms and happy hearts to living here in Arizona full time! May you find the healing powers in your art. See you Saturday at AU. Twyla

sharon said...

Thinking of you and saying a special prayer Julie! I live with a family member for the past 6 years with mental health issues. It is terribly hard, but it will work out. Have great compassion and understanding, I know you will, and you already sound like things are on the up. All the best...keep creating if you can and if it helps! Of course your piece is beautiful. The beauty from within comes out!

jone hallmark said...

dearest julie.....
i saw your beautiful, new piece as such a positive thing - sprouting wings to go to find something good and strong to "save" things..and not "flying away"..
...remember that "if it does not kill you, it will make you stronger"
cal will be okay....you love him and you are taking care of him in more ways than one .....it is a new adventure for both of you and you will continue to fly from the nest to find a safe place where you can be together and grow strong again. DO NOT FORGET to take care of yourself, too....okay? xo

Such a Wondrous Place this Faery Space said...

Dear girl. I have just come upon this lovely place and I send you such blessings. I send you strength for him. Love and hope to you dear one. Light, Amy

Micki Wilde said...

I'm so glad my art made you lol sweetie,, I take that as a huge compliment coming from someone as wonderfully whimsical as you!

Micki x

Becky Bunn said...

Oh honey my heart is breaking for you. I had a feeling something wasn't right. I hadn't heard from you in awhile I will see you Saturday at Art Unraveled.
Big (((((hugs)))))

Tumble Fish Studio said...

Dear sweet Julie, you are incredible. My eyes have filled with tears but my heart soars with awe of your strength. I think sometimes for some people the pain of what they have gone through is just so unbearable their mind takes a little detour. My best friends lost their only son almost two years ago. Actually it was the man's son - the man and woman are not married but then again they are in every sense of the word except the piece of paper. Anyway, I never saw anyone crumple and disappear as he did after losing his son - it was heartbreaking and tragic. His "wife" carried him through, literally carried him. He doesn't remember much now about the first few months after he lost his son, his mind had checked out to a place that wasn't so painful. But he is here because of one very strong woman. So, I tell you this only being able to imagine all the things you must be feeling and thinking. I know how my friend spoke of all the things going through her heart and mind - he was the rock, he was supposed to always be the rock and her having to be the rock was terrifying and uncomfortable. But she did it. And I want you to know that you will get through this and you've proven your true colors - you are strong when the goin' gets rough and you WILL survive and carry your husband through. You're already doing it. You're the rock and you are saving both of your lives. YOU are incredible. Many prayers are being offered up with your name in them. Believe in miracles and that things will unfold as they are supposed to. Oh I hope this all makes sense and isn't a bunch of goop. I'm pullin' for you.

Elena Lai Etcheverry said...

You are so brave to blog about this. Thank you for sharing your story and what is going on in your life right now. I am sending you positive energy!I am so happy that you have your art to take you away from reality. It is such great therapy isn't it? here comes the energy can you feel it?? :)

The Artful Eye said...

Julie - I don't know you and this was my first visit to your blog. I can tell you I am in awe of your creative spirit. Today I'm in awe of your remarkable strength, these are very difficult times for you and your husband Cal and you are managing incredible demands.

Your husband is blessed to have such a strong woman by his side. You are both lucky to have each other.

It is hard to be creative during difficult times but I have found that the tiniest doodle can warm your heart. You are an incredible artist.

Cal will find his way back and the both of you will be so much stronger for these experiences.

My thoughts are with you both during this difficult time.

Anonymous said...

Julie...thank you so much for sharing what's happening in your life. I'm so sorry to hear things have been so rough! I was still walking around thinking of Cal's poor finger after the fence incident - and for you both to be going through so much on top of that & the house sale stress. *hugs*

I agree that it's nice to read all the positive bits of people's lives on their blogs, but it can also be hard when it looks like nobody else is having difficulty. I like the saying "Happiness shared is doubled, grief shared is halved". I'm keeping you both in my thoughts. And I hope that your heart has been made a bit lighter by sharing with the many people that care about you.

xo ~ Karen

p.s. The little painting I got from you at ArtNest - the girl giving a flower to a tiny snail - sits right by my clock at my bedside. It's the last thing I see and night & first in the morning. I just love that little girl and it really gives me smile everyday. Thank you!

Unknown said...

I just want so much to say Thanks to you all for reading and leaving me such loving encouraging thoughts . Things are starting to come back together. And I am having a great time popping in (slowly) and catching up with all you have been doing while I was under siege.

noodle and lou said...

dearest Julie! this was SO well written...you are an amazing person!!! I'm so glad to hear things are looking up...keeping you both in my thoughts sweet pea!!!

TUTU Monkey said...

I am so sorry to hear about Cal. Depression is so sneaky....and scary. I am glad he is in treatment.....men keep their emotions tucked so deep.

Prayers for you both...((hugs too))

Barb in CA said...

Julie: Your story is mine! You are not alone.

After loosing our home last November we fought to save our business. In May we lost the battle and had no choice but to close our doors. My husband felt like a failure and plunged into a depression that left him near catatonic for weeks. The closing, packing, and moving was left to me (with some muscle help from employees). He couldn't help make decisions so I just took charge.

You are correct about women having that something extra that allows us to continue doing what must be done -- no matter what. (I kept telling myself I didn't have time to fall apart but would as soon as I could.) My husband refused to let me take him to a doctor but, when he couldn't find the words to ask a simple question one morning, he was scared enough to let me take him to the ER. Diagnosis? Full-blown diabetes! And his blood pressure was off the charts.

With medication he's on the road to recovery -- even his depression is lifting. For now, I'm supporting us by selling on eBay.

I'm happy you will be taking some time for yourself . . . and your creative soul. I'm doing the same -- I will be taking two wax technique classes with Carol Murphy this weekend.

I'll be keeping good thoughts for you and Cal -- Hugs . . . Barb

becca jo said...

julie-i hadn't checked the blog in a few days, and i just wanted to send love. belated, but happy healing thoughts are being sent to you and Cal from MN.